::no entry zone::

pagi tadi, tak terasa nak bangun awal macam selalu, malas yang teramat sangat..(sebenar bukan malas, tapi tak bersedia utk mghadapi hari ini rentetan kelukaan hatinya semalam yang still tak terubat)...so, bila maskydd bangun lewat, kehidupan beliau mnjadi agk kucar-kacir sdikit...dlm perjalanan pergi class, time tgh mendaki bukit yang dekat dgn kubur tu, maskydd tercium bau yg sangat mendamaikan...BAU RUMPUT...bau rumput hijau yang baru kena potong, rasa mcm dah lame sgt tak cium bau ni.. maskydd trus berhenti berjalan utk tengok uncle worker tu potong rumput..mmg dah tak kisah orang dah time tu. but then, bila uncle tu pn terberhenti buat kerja sbb maskydd pandang dia, maskydd terus say "hi", and cepat2 blah..lawak pulak rasa, mcm tak pernah tgk org potong rumput..I like the smell. I enjoyed the pleasant smell for about 10 minutes....(smpy terlewat gilerr masuk klas MATH 151)..this is one of the nature's smell that i enjoyed~!!

i spend 5 hours at the harbour today, dari pkl 4 ptg smpy 9 mlm...mula2 nk kluar lpas klas bio, tp cancel plan..tggu my rumate solat and pegi teman dia shopping dulu...and then i make a move to my best...great..wonderful place...wellington harbour....my rumate tak ikut, bcoz she need to go back for maghrib..sepanjang 5 jam tu, banyak benda yg saya buat,

1. baca buku nicholas sparks "the notebook"
2. tgk org lari2, main2, jln2
3. tgkap gmbar harbour
4. menilai diri
5. mkn2..(tp td terlupa beli sushi)
6. main buaian

lets go through one by one...

1. baca "the notebook" by nicholas sparks..

nicholas sparks is one of my favourite writer..i love his novel especially "a bend in the road" and "the rescue". ""the notebook" ni hadiah dari irr sempena my 21st burfdey. n maskydd blom abes baca lagi, tp dah tau la critanya sbb dah bnyk kali tengok. Tengah baca2 tu, maskydd tertarik dengan ayat dkt bawah ni;

"sounds of nature was more real and aroused more emotion
than things like cars and planes. Natural things give more than what
they took, and their sounds always brought people back to the way man
was supposed to be. It'll keep man from going crazy. Its God music, and
it will bring you back home."~nicholas sparks,"the notebook"~

the phrases suits me well. if not, i wont be here at this harbour..bila dah kt NZ ni, mmg terasa sangat yang harbour ni sgt best compared to botanical garden, bila tension or sedih, this is the best place that i have..(klu dulu kt KMS, ada my home sweet home..tak pun lake garden..so harbour is substitute to all the places that i have before)..kat sini boleh dengar bunyi laut, bunyi burung, boleh cium bau laut dan ada angin yg terasa mcm laut kt mlysia...and semua tu mendamaikan dan agk mengubat hati yg sedih....mcm bau rumput jgk....tp yang tak best nyer pulak, it really "bring me back home"...( sad mode pergi:homesick mode mari )..

2. tgk org lari2, main2, and jln2

kat harbour ni jgk ada org ramai yg bising2 and tak kenal kita..so kita boleh buat apa jer yang kita suka (termasuklah menanges dgn bersungguh-sungguh)..sbb orang lain pun buat jer apa yang diorang suka....bila perhatikan org2 kt harbour ni..sume org mcm happy je..it makes me wanna smile tu..senyum boleh buat kita lupakan kesedihan..jd, lahirkan senyuman dari hati, jgn fikirkan kesedihan.

3.tangkap gmbar harbour

kt harbour tengok kapal, tengok lampu malam2, ada water sprinkler yg boleh menari and the duration is only 10 minutes for every 2 hours strtg from 6pm..(klu tak salah la)..dah 2 minggu maskydd tuggu nk tgk sprinkler ni, tp asyik termiss jer, so td dpat tgk 2 kali, rasa sgt seronok.. one more thing, maskydd miss nk wt countdown tyme klcc tutup lmpu, so td maskydd dpt chance buat countdown harbour bukak lampu n countdown utk water sprinkler tu bukak...hehe..sgguh bhgia!!

4.menilai diri

i need sometimes to be alone, thats another reason i choose today to go to harbour, bcoz i knoe nobody would be able to accompany me..dari smalam rasa sedih, rasa nak kiss n hug mak sgt2..and skrng ni jgk emosi tgh tak stabil, so agk sensitif sket..cepat sgt nak terasa..maskydd btol nak jd org yg sabar, maskydd rasa sangat yg dia skrang da bnyk berubah..tp diri sndiri pn tak pasti, perubahan tu ke arah positif @negatif..

5. makan2

maskydd pegi reading cinema beli kebab sbb lpar, pastu pegi balik duduk kt harbour..sebenarnya nak beli sushi..tapi da terbli kebab pulak..hehe..teringat syaz sruh balut nasi dgn roti canai..hahaha...tu syaz punyer kebab~~!!!

6.main buaian

activity biasa bila pegi harbour mlm2..main buaian~!!!!..sronok + gembira...tadi ada 2 boys yg sgt cute and nakal main skali, with their daddy yg teramat lah penyabar. comel tgk dia layan anak2 dia 2 org tu~!!

~the end~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::love is sayang:saya LOVE dia::

saya memang sayang dia....SANGAT..SANGAT....sayang saya pada dia dalam hati..saya sayang dia tanpa sebab..kalau orang tanya kenapa saya sayang dia.memang susah saya nak jawab..sebab saya mmg sayang dia lah..saya bersyukur Allah menganugerahkan dia pada saya, dia adalah antara anugerah terbaik yang pernah saya terima..tapi saya tak pernah la bagitau kt dia face to face..sekadar meluah rindu di facebook..@ shoutout di ym..tapi saya tahu yang dia tahu..bahawa..SAYA SAYANG DIA...(dia sayang saya tak???saya yakin dia pun sayang saya jugak..hehehe..*wink*wink..)

semalam saya call dia, (setelah saya terlupa nk ym ngn dia)..sebenarnya saya dah lama nak call dia, sejak mak saya bagitau tntang itu...tapi saya tak tahu apa perkataan terbaik yang dapat saya cakapkan pada dia, untuk memujuk dan juga untuk menenangkan, saya memang tak pandai memujuk, tapi saya memang tahu dia tengah sedih, kecewa and downhearted...tapi dia tak menangis masa bercakap dgn saya..masih boleh bergelak ketawa dengan saya...dia memang kuat dan tabah...bersabar ok..

ini je yang saya mampu cakap kt dia, "sabar.. mesti ada hikmah atas apa yang jadi"...tapi secara jujurnya, memang mudah mengungkap sabar, kalau saya sendiri yang menghadapinya, saya pasti saya tak sekuat dia, ...dia selalu jadi saya punya penasihat, kali ni saya nak jadi dia punya penasihat pulak, walaupun bukan terbaik macam dia, saya tetap nak tujukn ni untuk dia..

"LA TAHZAN, WAMAKARU WAMAKARALLAH, WALLAHUKHAIRUL MAKIRIN"

~jangan bersedih, manusia merancang, Allah merancang, tapi perancangan Allah yang terbaik~ jgn bersedih lagi okeyh, sebab saya tak suka tengok dia sedih, nanti saya sedih jugk~i'm soo sweet~*ekeke*

"kehidupan ada perjalanannya, ada perjuangannya, semua tu berbaur dgn harapan, sama ada berjaya atau gagal, hidup perlu teruskan, dan perjuangan tidak mungkin terhenti disitu..."

~teruskan usaha, chaiyo'...dia adalah inspirasi saya...inspiration..inspiring..and i got inspired~!!!~jadi, saya rasa yakin yang dia mampu menghadapi segala rintangan untuk mncapai cita2 nya~

walaupn beribu rintangan mndatang

(ayt sbnrnye, walaupn beribu DOKTOR M, mengganggu..hehehehe)

..saya yakin DR. M takkan baca blog saya ini...sbb tu saya brani tulis....

dan DR. M bukan utk DR MAHATHIR..okeyh~!!

harapan itu sentiasa ada buat mereka yang percaya

So here's to you

May your dreams come true

And through the years

Save your smiles and your tears

They're just souvenirs

They'll make music in your heart

Remember this

Each new day is a kiss

Sent from up above

With an angel's love

So here's to you

May your skies be blue

And your love blessed

That's my best to you


saya nak dia tahu, saya sentiasa doakn dia, yang terbaik untuk dia.

..kejayaan dan kebahagiaan....dunia dan akhirat..

I'll be with you in rain or shine

~SAYA + DIA~

UNTUK MNJADI KAMI

..kerana dia adalah satu-satunya kakak saya..

~SAYA sayang DIA selamanya~

p/s : to my dear sister, this post is dedicated to you, slmat mghadapi study week and exam..jgn nanges terharu plak bace entry ni..hehehe..i know u missed me...bcoz i'm worth to be missed..hahaha..by da way..bersabar dan trus berdoa...ganbate~!!!chaiyo'~!!!..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::when its raining again::

semalam hujan, even so, it still be one of the most wonderful day in wellington..a journey to pipitea campus..enjoying loads of foods..attending the event...berjalan pulang dalam hujan yang lebat..(it was helpless romantic)..and watching people all the way..~!!!~(the food is the most important thing actually)~

and today..its raining again..i missed one thing early this morning~~and i'm not too proud to tell it out loud to the world in here, so lets just let me keep it..i will try my best not to do it again~~ my roomate is not in..so do most of my housemates..but i decided just to stay at home rather than going out in this freezingly cold weather..luckily there's no snow here~!!!

so, from the morning, i'm just here in my room..watching a drama entitled "kasanova"...going through ainaa engagement photos at facebook, and keep waiting..for something..it is quite a boring day..and lastly my waiting is not worth it~i hate this silent treatment, i care but i dont want to react~!!haish..i really need to stop doing this stupid thing..i hate it..with all my heart~!!

outside is raining... i just know that inside me is raining too..heavily!!..and here comes that rainy-day-feeling again..since i started staying in the hostel, i doesnt really like rainy day..it is so good in making me feel down and homesick... and today it makes me craving for my mum's chocholate donuts and her pizza..the best thing in this kind of weater is mum's cooking...

a few minutes later, my big sis buzz me...and the conversation goes, i cut it short:

maskydd: tgh wtpe?? bile balik kl?

kay niza: tgh main2. ptg2 sket nnt balik la.mas tgh
wtpe??

maskydd: tgk drama..
kay niza: citer pe?

maskydd: kasanova..kt cni tgh ujan, da 2 ari ujan, mas rse
nk mkn donut~~!!!

kay niza: hmm..

maskydd: x masak ke arini??

kay niza: x..sume orang tgh lepak..pagi td sume da mkn burger
adik masak..

maskydd: waa..sdap2..awal adik bangun wiken2 neyh,...

kay niza: pkl 9..

i can imagine the situation at my home...weekend is soo good..with everyone coming back home..how nice it would be if i'm there too..*sigh*..and i don't feel want to eat donuts anymore, i want my adik's burger..(i think my little brother is very good in this..just see the sister lol~~me~!!haha..well, i'm well known with my benjo)....the most suitable words are..

...i'm HOMESICK.........HOMESICK........and.......HOMESICK!!!!!..i MISSED...MISSED......and.....MISSED.....~~!!!!~~everything at my home~~i dont feel like want to do anything..my heart, my mind and my body is not on the same track...

~my mind says, "stop munching"..but my leg went to the
freezer..and you should know what happens..~

~my mind says,"lets revised biology"..but my heart said "it can be done tonight"..and my hand closed the campbell....and lots more~

today is soo not my day, then i tried to apply the "personal jihad"~forcing myself to do assignments. Only a few minutes ..and i'm "syahid"..with a very clean paper..maskydd tak mampu utk berfikir..huhu..my bad~!!!

after maghrib, i went to hanalulu's house to print an assignment...ini adalah cubaan utk menguji kekuatan diri dalam mengharung kesejukan di malam hari...it was successful..yeay~~!!..perjalanan menjadi semakin jauh hingga ke 3c, mckenzies-terrace ~being hana's pizza delivery girl~ yeay~!!i'm succeed again..back home safely..*smiling*..eventhough i'm totally wet~!!!and i left my house key at hana's place...haishh~~!!

long journey too right~!so now..i need to get into bed, for tomorrow i got classes to attend..enjoying the downpours in these two days give me a headache in some ways....and outside there raindrops are still touching everythings....when its raining again, i believe i could still live my life..by forming a complex("forming complex" is biology term) with my lovely warm bed at the end of the day.....gud nyte everyone!!

"rain, i feel it on my fingertips, hear it on my window pane"

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::ALLAH KNOWS::

by

~zain bhikha~

When you feel all alone in this world

And there's nobody to count your tears

Just remember, no matter where you are

Allah knows Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load

And you wonder how far you can go

With every step on that road that you take

Allah knows Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out

There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah
knows Allah knows

And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth

Every star in this whole universe

Allah knows Allah knows

When you find that special someone

Feel your whole life has barely begun

You can walk on the moon,

shout it to everyone

Allah knows Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes

Catch a glimpse of paradise

And you see your child take the first breath of life

Allah knows Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart

See your whole world fall apart

And you try to go on but it seems so hard

Allah knows Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose

Through the valleys and hills we go

With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown

Allah knows Allah knows

Every grain of sand,

In every desert land,

He knows.

Every shade of palm,

Every closed hand,

He knows.

Every sparkling tear,

On every eyelash,

He knows.

Every thought I have,

And every word I share,

He knows.

Allah knows

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::a girl's prayer::

In the name of Allah,

THE MOST GRACIOUS and THE MOST MERCIFUL

Dear LORD..

I pray that YOU would grant me....

a man who will be part of my life..

a man who really loves YOU more than anything else..

a man who would let me be the second in his heart after YOU..

a man who live his life for YOU and not for himself..

a man who really seeks for YOUR loves and

have a determination to role YOU and YOUR prophet..

a man who knows, for whom and for what his life is , so that it would not be useless..

a man who have a good heart, not only a brilliant mind..

a man who not only loves me, but respect me..

a man who not only adores me, but able to show me the right path when i did wrong..

a man who not loves me because of the beauty, but because of my heart..

a man who can be my best friend in everytime and situation..

a man who can make me feel that i am a woman everytime i am by his side..

a man who needs my hold to make him strong..

a man who needs my prayers for his life..

a man who needs my smile to overcome his sadness..

a man who needs me to make his life perfect...

~AMEEN~

Ya Allah,

Aku berdoa kau mengurniakan ku

Seorang lelaki yang akan menjadi sebahagian dari hidupku

Seorang lelaki yang sungguh mencintai-MU lebih dari segala sesuatu.

Seorang lelaki yang akan meletakkanku pada posisi kedua di hatinya setelah Engkau.

Seorang lelaki yang hidup bukan untuk dirinya sendiri tetapi untuk-MU.

Seorang lelaki yang mempunyai sebuah hati yang sungguh mencintai dan haus akan Engkau dan memiliki keinginan untuk menauladani sifat-sifat Agung-Mu.

Seorang lelaki yang mengetahui bagi siapa dan untuk apa dia hidup, sehingga hidupnya tidaklah sia-sia.

Seorang lelaki yang memiliki hati yang bijak bukan hanya sekadar otak yang cerdas.

Seorang lelaki yang tidak hanya mencintaiku tetapi juga menghormati aku.

Seorang lelaki yang tidak hanya memujaku tetapi dapat juga menasihati ketika aku berbuat salah.

Seorang lelaki yang mencintaiku bukan kerana kecantikanku tetapi kerana hatiku.

Seorang lelaki yang dapat menjadi sahabat terbaikku dalam tiap waktu dan situasi.

Seorang lelaki yang dapat membuatku merasa diriku bagai seorang wanita ketika aku berada disebelahnya.

Seorang lelaki yang memerlukan dukunganku sebagai peneguhnya.

Seorang lelaki yang menginginkan doaku untuk kehidupannya.

Seorang lelaki yang memerlukan senyumanku untuk mengatasi kesedihannya.

Seorang lelaki yang mahukan diriku untuk membuat hidupnya menjadi lebih sempurna

AMIN YA RAHMAN...AMIN YA RAHIM....

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::saya adalah seorg cikgu!::

..seronok bila menulis tajuk untuk post ni...terasa semangat yang terlebih berkobar..

..kerana saya adalah seorng bakal guru..

~insyaAllah~

..esok 16th may..

jadi, saya nak ucapkan selamat hari guru kepada semua guru-guru...di dunia!!~malysia jer ke yang sambut hari guru yerk??saya tak pasti la pulak~ especially for those who had been teaching me since i was in pre,primary and secondary school, pre-uni and uni...teachers+lecturers..i wished i could listed all your names...but my memory is not so good as i am "nomad" from 1 school to the other......kepada semua tenaga pengajar institusi pendidikan di bawah ini~~saya bertuah berada di tempat2 ini pd tahun2 tersebut~~

• taski abim annur, kuantan, pahang ( 93/94)
• sek. keb. jaya gading, kuantan, pahang (95/96)
• sek. ren. keb. pengkalan tentera, pahang (96/97)
• sek. keb. bandar baru salak tinggi, sepang, selangor (98)
• sek. keb. kompleks klia, nilai, negri sembilan (99/00)
• sek. men. puteri, seremban, negri sembilan (01*2 months)
• sek. men. keb. agama pedas, rembau, negri sembilan (01/03)
• kolej tunku kurshiah, seremban, negri sembilan (04/05)
• kolej matrikulasi kedah, changlun, kedah (06*1 month)
• kolej mara seremban, seremban, negri sembilan (06/08
• victoria university, wellington, nw zealnd (08-prsnt)

terima kasih atas segala jasa-jasa yang telah guru-guru sekalian curahkan hingga menjadikan saya adalah saya hari ini...juga seorang bakal guru~~i'm proud to say this...without teachers, students is not a students!!

and last but not least

...a very special gratitude...to the teacher of my life...

who never failed to teach me ~good from bad, right from wrong~

and also a very good teacher

~my mother~

happy teachers' day, mak...

you are my greatest teacher after all

i love you

and nothing would changed that

i'm proud this teacher is my mother!!!!

...SeLaMat HaRi gUrU...

~saya juga adalah seorang cikgu~

niat di hati nak call my teachers, tapi terlupa pulak nak beli international calling card siang

tadi...*sigh*..takpe kot,insyaALLAH esok masih ada~~ini sikap buruk maskydd yang sangat suka bertangguh~~bukan brtangguh sebenarnya, tapi harini, kehidupan agak kelam kabut ~sbb bangun lambat~ i woke up just a few minutes before assigment due..sesiapa yang tau pukul berapa, senyap2 jerr okeyh..Allhamdulillah, sempat kejar, walaupun semput jugak la berlari..ALLAH mempermudahkan urusan...hihihihi..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

~tAkE sOmE tImEs~

take your time to think...it is the point of strength

take your time to play...it is the secret of eternal
longevity

take your time to be alone...it is the key to the
serenity

take your time to learn...it would hold you in
honor

take your time to love and being loved...it is the right
that had been given to you

take your time to make friend...it is the path of
happiness

take your time to laugh...it is the music of your
heart

take your time to give...it makes your life
meaningful

take your time to work...it holds the value of
efforts

take your time to do good deeds...it is the door to good
end..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~