::the last thing in the list of 10 things i hate about u::

pernah aku bertanya pada sorang kawan, apa rasanya bercinta? macam mana nak tahu, cintanya aku pada orang ni, and jawapan yang aku nak dengar, mestilah bukan jawapan standard orang-orang yang bercinta, contohnya tidur tak lena, makan tak kenyang, mandi tak basah...itu semua jawapan yang doesn't really makes sense @ ridiculously ridiculous(can be read as stupid)....mana ada mandi yang tak basah? and kalau dah tido tu, memang confirmnya la mesti lena punya, lebih-lebih lagi kalau dah keje penat yang teramat sangat sebagai "pegawai pendidikan pasca siswazah MARA----nama jawatan perlulah ditulis dengan gempak!-----" ni!

sebenarnya susah untuk mendefine perasaan sendiri... aku rasa suka, aku rasa admire... sometimes buat aku rasa gembira...kadang2 rase menyampah jgk sbb benda ni macam takde pengakhiran, kau keep on questioning apa perasaan someone ni dkt kau, apa maksud tersirat disebalik compliment yang dia bagi, or it just a direct plain compliment, ko rase penat utk fikir had you been such a "controlcun" freak when you are in front of the person u like without you realizing it, or you just be your true self~ at one point you try to be the best friend that you can be, listening and understanding the problem that he have even the problem is kind of hurting you inside~about how his girlfriend keep on asking him about marriage~ i smiled, stating that women need to be sure that their waits are worthy. and i wonder why i said that!!~angelic much..heh!~i hate him for this feeling...love hate relationship??

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::midnight rant::

~you were there during my hard times, comes storms or high water, why can't i be there for you when you are at your lowest state~its a mixed feelings, indeed..i am no one to you, but a good friend i hope...please let me be..
p/s: sometimes, somehow i wished our path never crossed each other.

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::undefined::

please define what is happiness when..

looking at you make me sad,
talking to you make me sad,
and even trying to smile to you make me sad,

it hurts me but nothing i could do!



~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::Ya Rabb::

Malam ini, bisikkanlah dalam doamu …. 

Tuhanku Yang Maha Pengasih, 

Tabahkanlah hatiku yang sedang rapuh ini, 

untuk tetap meyakini yang ku tahu sebagai yang benar, 

untuk ikhlas melakukan yang ku tahu harus ku lakukan, 

untuk sabar menghadapi orang-orang yang sulit, 

dan untuk tegar melampaui masalah, 

agar aku sampai di padang pembahagiaanku. 

Tuhanku, 

Hatiku yang letih ini rindu istirahat dalam kedamaian. 

Sayangilah aku Ya Allah,

Bangunkanlah aku esok pagi sebagai jiwa yang baik 

yang Kau indahkan rezeki dan cintanya. 

~Amin~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::hati yang tak tentu rasa::

have you ever had a  thought that u shouldn't do something, but your instinct and feeling kind of forcing you to do it?? that is what happen last night. there i was loitering around BP Mall  until I stepped into Big Apple.with no specific reasons~i don't even feel like eating any doughnuts at that moment~ but somehow i asked for a box of 12 pieces anyway with an instruction for the waiter to choose whatever flavors that he thinks are good. while i was waiting, someone crossed my sight, and i told myself, that guy is so familiar, he was supposed to be someone that i know, but surely for kind of person who have a short term memory like me, names are not meant to be remains in my mind. and there he was walking away off the shop.

after settling all those unimportant business of mine, i walked towards the car which was parked right in front of the coffee house, Old Town, and there I saw that guy again with his friend, sipping a cup of coffee of course. while my mind was still thinking who he should be, my instinct, my eyes and my mouth works faster.....and curiosity get the better of me.....my eyes shoot him a look, which happen he was also looking at me...and without hesitation, i heard my own voice....
me: are you from KMS?
~the guy stood up and come towards me..*yeay, i'm glad that gentleman still exist*
guy: yes i am.
me: you are my senior i believe, IB??..but i'm so sorry, i can't recall your name.
guy: yup, doing IB...and its ok..you are the batch that went to New Zealand right?..what are you doing here?
me: yes, i'm working now.at MRSM BP..and u?

..............................~and the conversation goes~........................

orang tua2 cakap, kalau mata berdenyut2 kita nak jumpa orang jauh..i believe it today.
p/s: dari pagi mata berdenyut,
and the box of 12 pieces doughnuts..what happen to them??it ends up being given to a student who celebrated her birthday yesterday. I'm glad that it cheer her up of celebrating sweet 17 in the middle of SPM.
 so, moral of the story, follow your instinct.. =)...sometimes it makes someone else happy, and it will also manage to make you happy...=)

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::back when::

Don't you remember
The fizz in a pepper
Peanuts in a bottle
At ten, two and four
A fried bologna sandwich
With mayo and tomato
Sittin' round the table
Don't happen much anymore

We got too complicated
It's all way over-rated
I like the old and out-dated
Way of life

Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when

I love my records
Black, shiny vinyl
Clicks and pops
And white noise
Man they sounded fine
I had my favorite stations
The ones that played them all
Country, soul and rock-and-roll
What happened to those times?

I'm readin' Street Slang For Dummies
Cause they put pop in my country
I want more for my money
The way it was back then

Give me a flat top for strumming
I want the whole world to be humming
Just keep it coming
The way it was back then

Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::brunchbar::

aku busy..percayalah...ak memang busy, tp aku pun tak tahu aku busy dengan apa. nak kata aku pulun belajar, result aku still macam dulu...mungkin usaha belum cukup atau rezeki ber'result' cemerlang belum lagi ditakdirkan untuk jd milik aku. nak update blog mmg tak ada masa..dan tak ada idea..terasa macam buang masa..(o_0)..

....aku sekarang tengah berusaha keras untuk memastikan degree aku hujung tahun nanti nampak cantik sikit. itu pun kalau di izinkan Allah. aku nak grad...!!..aku tak tipu.mahu dengan sangat...smpai kalau belajar mmg boleh leleh air mata, sebab aku rasa cara belajar aku tak effective, tp tak tahu kat celah mana nak improve...(T_T),,mengeluh banyak2 pun tak guna kan!!dah dua tahun dah kt sini, dulu aku enjoy jadi budak first year yang tak tahu apa2. even selalu homesick, habiskan masa dengar lagu berkaitan hujan melayan perasaan, tapi seriesly seronok...nak undur masa, mmg tak boleh!!

~I HOPE DAYS COME EASY AND TIMES PASSED SLOW~

tapi banyak sangat benda dah belajar.tentang manusia, tentang kehidupan. be out of the box, and think out of the box. aku sekarang percaya, kita akan boleh berfikir dengan cara lain, bila social circle kita berubah, with a condition, don't be so pessimist!! jangan sentiasa rasa diri betul..allow things to run through your brain and figure everything out in the most realistic way. in a perfect world that we try to create, everything will be perfect. but somehow, there is no perfect world. people makes mistake, you make mistake..lots of mistakes! see Allah grace in every mistake. have faith...keep going on...regardless of what people are saying, you know how much you have change, and to what extend you have change...changing is always good when it is for the better~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~