~in my small world where i'm a stargazer~

::back when::

2011-07-17T09:03:00.002+12:00

Don't you remember
The fizz in a pepper
Peanuts in a bottle
At ten, two and four
A fried bologna sandwich
With mayo and tomato
Sittin' round the table
Don't happen much anymore

We got too complicated
It's all way over-rated
I like the old and out-dated
Way of life

Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when

I love my records
Black, shiny vinyl
Clicks and pops
And white noise
Man they sounded fine
I had my favorite stations
The ones that played them all
Country, soul and rock-and-roll
What happened to those times?

I'm readin' Street Slang For Dummies
Cause they put pop in my country
I want more for my money
The way it was back then

Give me a flat top for strumming
I want the whole world to be humming
Just keep it coming
The way it was back then

Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
And crack's what you were doing
When you were cracking jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
The wind was all that blew
And when you said I'm down with that
Well it meant you had the flu
I miss back when

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::brunchbar::

2011-05-21T19:18:00.004+12:00

aku busy..percayalah...ak memang busy, tp aku pun tak tahu aku busy dengan apa. nak kata aku pulun belajar, result aku still macam dulu...mungkin usaha belum cukup atau rezeki ber'result' cemerlang belum lagi ditakdirkan untuk jd milik aku. nak update blog mmg tak ada masa..dan tak ada idea..terasa macam buang masa..(o_0)..

....aku sekarang tengah berusaha keras untuk memastikan degree aku hujung tahun nanti nampak cantik sikit. itu pun kalau di izinkan Allah. aku nak grad...!!..aku tak tipu.mahu dengan sangat...smpai kalau belajar mmg boleh leleh air mata, sebab aku rasa cara belajar aku tak effective, tp tak tahu kat celah mana nak improve...(T_T),,mengeluh banyak2 pun tak guna kan!!dah dua tahun dah kt sini, dulu aku enjoy jadi budak first year yang tak tahu apa2. even selalu homesick, habiskan masa dengar lagu berkaitan hujan melayan perasaan, tapi seriesly seronok...nak undur masa, mmg tak boleh!!

~I HOPE DAYS COME EASY AND TIMES PASSED SLOW~

tapi banyak sangat benda dah belajar.tentang manusia, tentang kehidupan. be out of the box, and think out of the box. aku sekarang percaya, kita akan boleh berfikir dengan cara lain, bila social circle kita berubah, with a condition, don't be so pessimist!! jangan sentiasa rasa diri betul..allow things to run through your brain and figure everything out in the most realistic way. in a perfect world that we try to create, everything will be perfect. but somehow, there is no perfect world. people makes mistake, you make mistake..lots of mistakes! see Allah grace in every mistake. have faith...keep going on...regardless of what people are saying, you know how much you have change, and to what extend you have change...changing is always good when it is for the better~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::HE always with me::

2010-07-18T18:08:00.004+12:00

"..do NOT get to breakdown..do NOT get to fall apart.."

~..just need someone to hold me when i cry,

and let me cry without saying a word

that is more than enough..~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::song's lyrics is sometimes deep::

2010-07-10T10:28:00.003+12:00

That's not the beginning of the end

That's the return to yourself

The return to innocence.

Love - Devotion

Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak

Don't be too proud to be strong

Just look into your heart my friend

That will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh

If you must, then start to cry

Be yourself don't hide

Just believe in destiny

Don't care what people say

Just follow your own way

Don't give up and use the chance

To return to innocence

That's not the beginning of the end

That's the return to yourself

The return to innocence

Don't care what people say

Follow just your own way

Don't give up, don't give up

To return, to return to innocence.

If you want then laugh

If you must then cry

Be yourself don't hide

Just believe in destiny.

p/s: u should really be able to distinguished what is what by now. no one is going to wait forever. back to the basic, recheck your aim. things wont settle into place if you keep avoiding and ignoring it..isnt it too soon we get old, and too late we get smart??..but after all its gonna be worth it~!~(of coz if u choose the right thing, and make the right decision)~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::home::

2010-05-14T09:47:00.000+12:00

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

'Cause this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::5qu4r3 r00t 0f thr33 ~ dave feinberg::

2010-01-23T01:04:00.003+13:00

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun,
as 1.7321
Such is my reality,
a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::i'm sorry::

2009-12-25T00:17:00.003+13:00

i swear, in a glimpse,

i can see dissapointment in his eyes..

i'm sorry for him~!~

i once saw his eyes glow with proud

and today, the very same eyes..is full with different emotion..

and i asked myself..

"what holds a man from crying??"

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::hello malaysia::

2009-11-19T15:55:00.006+13:00

entry ini ditaip beberapa jam sebelum the best journey on earth (pnjam ayat status haziq) bermula... dan bermakna berakhirlah penantianku utk pulang ke tanah air yang ku chentai~!!~actually takde lah tangkap cintan sangat dengan malaysia, it just that my family is there..so excited la nk balik malaysia kn...cube kalau family kau di LONDON~(london ini dipilih dgn tujuan)..ada kau kisah nak balik malaysia???~HUHU

jadi malam ni aku akan bertolak ke christchurch...menjadi "blanketgirl" semalaman di airport christchurch, dan mengambil penerbangan ke bali pada jam 0600 esok...singgah di sydney dan kemudian bermalam di bali sebelum meneruskan perjalanan ke malaysia pada hari sabtu jam 2030~!!~..i'll in 4 country in less than 3 days~

NW ZEALAND~AUSTRALIA~INDONESIA~MALAYSIA ku yg permai~

(rse kagum dgn diri sendiri)~!!!~

yeay..semangat nk balik

walaupun perjalanan ini aku rasa amat menyusahkan~!!

SO..secara rasminya,

2 hari lepas (17 nov)..genap setahun aku dan kawan2 yang lain berada kt bumi new zealand ni...in someways, cam tak percaya la jugak..hehe..kalau kumpul air mata kan..cukup la rasanya kalau nk buat amek air semayang...hehehe...

to all mara cohort 2, victoria university of wellington..

naim, haziq, iqbal, jiji, hzim, nana, hana, ijan, aju, sal, mimi, and anis ..

congratz, we made it~!!~

end of the first year~!!~

and get ready for the next journey in the next stage of our life~

hurm...i got to go now.

nak mandi and bersiap utk ke wellington airport..

pray that i'm gonna have a safe journey~

for those who are still "stuck" in wellington city...(aju..sal..ijan)

...diucapkan...BERTABAHLAH..

..hahahhahaha..(gelak dgn sejahat mungkin)..

get ready for house inspection and truskan packing okeyh~!!~

its not so long...just another week to go before u guys reach malysiaku yg permai

...KEH...KEH...KEH...KEH...KEH..

~wslm..adios~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::the bunga api @ harbour::

2009-11-05T23:45:00.004+13:00

petang tadi berniat nak gi harbour sebab cuaca yg sgt indah and rindu kt burung2...tapi bila dah pikir dalam2, niat tu di batalkan and terus bergerak ke library..rase cm sedar diri sikit sebab exam dah dekat..huhuhu..

sepanjang kat library tu, as usual pilih spot yg paling best skali..dekat tingkap and nampak the whole wellington pnyer view. inilah library yang paling aku suke skali dalam hidup aku... bila penat2 blaja, toleh jer sebelah nmpk pemandangan yang chantek..tgk plak depan, nmpk plak ada org lain termenung jugk tgk laut..keh3.. pastu da ptg2 sket, tgk kt harbour, ada org tgh main kayak, and speedboat..and ada bunga api sket2..and then wondering lagi..ada ape kt harbour arini???cm meriah jer...(dlm hati menyesal tak gi harbour)..

tyme masuk maghrib, hati cam meronta2 suruh balik...tapi berjaya ditahan lpas dpt tahu yang ada firecraker punyer pertunjukan kt harbour pkl 9 mlm..alang2 da malas nak gerak harbour, baik stay jer kat sini...view dari sini pn cun jer..dan aku gi la smayang kt surau..

balik jer dari surau...tgk2 meja ak da penuh dgn mat2 n minah2 omputeh

..."WEYH..SUKE ATI KORANG JER CURIK SPOT AKU YANG BEST NI YERK~!!!~~KORANG BLAH SKARANG~!!!~"...

kata2 itu hanya terluah jauh di dasar hati ku..

(tindakan sebenar ialah amek beg...and pegi kat member2 lain)

...sobbbbssss....sdeyh..xsuke3..*bce dgn gye iklan cat yg ada kuman2 tu*.

.sdeyh ok..amek port aku...tumbuk kang~!!~

nasib baek maskyd ni sabar~*weeee

then..pertunjukan tu pn start la dgn meriah nyer...bunga api dari atas kapal..kat tgh laut..kat harbour...wow weeee.....chantek2..

tgh tgk2 bunge api..tetibe teringat kt angah~!!!~

klu angah ada kn bes..boleyh angah amek gmbr bnyak2..chantek2..

ucapan utk angah..

"angah mas tak de camera besar~!!~sobbbbssss"

abes jer pertunjukan tu..trus kemas2 barang and balik rmh dgn laju2...

dengan harapan angah tgh online...yess, angah online...trus bgtw..

"angah..td ada pertunjukan bunga api mcm yg kite gi aritu..tp..mas xde camera besar..sobbss"

dan angah menjawab..

"xpe..camera kecik pn xde hal"

erkk...

sungguh jawapan itu tak memberangsangkan..

..phewwww...

sbb camera kecik pn aku x bwk g library

~cmne maskydd xtahu ada "the bunga api show @ harbour" mlm ni td??~

~huh..patut bwak camera gi sume tmpt~!!~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::perspective is a beautiful thing::

2009-10-30T17:51:00.002+13:00

"One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express
purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son ,
'How was the trip?'
'It was great, Dad.''
Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked..
'Oh yeah,' said the son.
'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered:
'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added,

"Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have,
instead of worrying about what we don't have.

"Appreciate every single thing you have."

"don't wait for a miracle to happen, go and create one"

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::CIA Agent memberi laporan~random shot::

2009-10-22T11:47:00.005+13:00

sudah bermula hari perlunya membuka nota2 lain, setelah penat mengadap paper statistic..optionnya cuma ada 2..either calculus or discrete math..i choose discrete math, supaya otak boleh bekerja secara logic dan aku tak perlu memegang calculator yang mahal itu...(selalu berasa bangga dgn calculator yg berharga rm400 itu..hehhe)..

terfikirkan sesuatu..
when math is not about the numbers, when non-math people cant read the truth tables, when math cause the maps to have colours and when galileo galilei use his philosophy to explain math....I'M SO DAMN PROUD TO BE A MATH STUDENT~!!~..even i dont understand a thing about that 'graph colouring'...weee~~

sedang menyelak-nyelak notes discrete smlm, my mum called...setelah berbual-bual (tntang bnyk topic2 santai, dan juge sudah tentu tntang kepulanganku ke malysia, tnh air terchenta), kemudian, aku cuba membuka topic itu pada emak...BERJAYA~!~(CIA agent maskydd ini sgguh mantap dalam mnjalankan tugas) ... tanpa kusedari, ayah juga mendengar pertanyaanku itu,..

dari pertanyaanku, jawapan mak mudah, iaitu, "terlalu awal untuk menilai, mak tak boleh nak ckp "..
dari apa yang kufahami, buat masa sekarang,
...jawapan untuk itu bukan semudah "YA" atau "TIDAK"..
...dan jawapannya sudah pasti bukan sekadar mengapply pemikiran logic ..
...dan jawapannya juga tidak perlu pada statistic,tidak akan ada 'decision tree' yang perlu dilukis
..kerana ia berdasarkan penilaian dan pemerhatian..
without a fixed possibilities, and the number of trials is only one..n=1..

JADI, jika tersalah membuat keputusan, takkan ada percubaan kedua...

dari pertanyaanku yang sama, jawapan ayah pula, "ayah rasa ok, tapi kena tengok la jgk, janganlah jenis 'hati buah...'.."..(ak xingat hati buah ape yg ayah ckp, tp mak ada explain maksud perkataan tu)..

dari jawapan ayah pula, aku tak tahu penilaian ayah berdasarkan apa..tapi aku pasti, ayah juga mahukan yang terbaik utk anak2nya..naluri ayah pun, kadang2 boleyh pakai jugak..hihihi..btol x??..

tapi, ada kata2 mak yang terkesan dihati, "yang penting adalah doa.doa utk yang terbaik"..kadang2 aku mcm terlupa tentang ini..kekuatan doa, , besarnya keAgungan Allah, yang tak pernah jemu untuk mendengar rayuan hamba2-Nya...hebatnya bantuan Tuhan yang Dia turunkan dalam berbagai2 cara...

"ALLAH MEMBERI WALAUPUN KITA TAK MEMINTA, JIKA BTUL2 MAHU, POHONLAH PADA DIA DENGAN DOA..DIA PASTI MEMAKBULKAN, DAN DIA AKAN MEMBERI YANG TERBAIK...."

p/s: CIA Agent maskydd selesai melaporkan~!!~saya sudahpun bertanya...sekarang giliran kamu pula~

~let me sing, and do sing with me~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::the grown up talk::

2009-10-03T22:00:00.012+13:00

kak yang, sila tersenyum membaca entry ini~!!~huh..tak tau camne nak start..sambil telinga ditutup dengan headphone, dan lagu-lagu berkumandang dari i-tunes, mas menaip entry ni...

firstly, mas sangat excited dengar cerita tadi~when i said sangat, i mean.. SANGAT..SANGAT..~excited mood which causing me to smile all the way typing this. and the part yang mas paling suka is....jumpa mak and ayah untuk bagitau...ahaks3...uhuks3*tersedak*...this is so classic sis...a way tooooooooooo classic...hahhaha..*gelak guling2*owh..lagu taylor swift, "LOVE STORY" is on the air*...see u make your way to the crowd and say hello~!!!~hahahahaha~*suits well*...at least this is what my imagination of how he meet the parents~our parents....~!!~i prayed that this first....is also the last for you...keep it forever sis~!!!

diganggu emosi syahdu tibe2~!!

my shorty.., sweetie, and cutie...big sister~!!~

i never realized that we had grow up this much~!!~seeing you, make me feel the age of 21 is nothing, but only a number....hmm..even u are older..i felt soooo grown up when this is really happening to you...mcm tak sangka yang kita dah besar, sangat terasa yang kita dah besar,..where the time for our parents to let us go, is nearly come...(sedey..tp ni kenyataan, it could be anytime from now...3 years is not as long as we thought..he graduate..and and i graduate too..haha..).. congratz sis..i'm really happy for you....

growing up is fun..we learnt how to shopping..we know how to tour kl , especially "your" jalan TAR..we shared stories~!!~we tell each others experienced..and we do improve ourself to be better..we learnt so much thing together all the way to be a grown up..
I guess when it comes down to it.. being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up..these are the best days of our lives...the only thing that matters now is just following your heart...and eventually you'll finally get it right..my instict is sometimes good~!!~together wit your "raye kt kampung thing"..i mean the istikharah..not the dream~!!~when the dream is there, gerak hati doesn't matter anymore..for me, it is crystal clear...so you dont have to worry so much~!!~

teringat mas pernah baca, a very nice quote.."menjadi tua itu pasti, tapi menjadi dewasa itu adalah pilihan"...i believe u have made your choice sis ..the best decision...kyg dah dewasa...pheeewitt....selamat mnjadi dewasa~!!~hahaha~haishh..dewasa2 pn..i still love to quote this song for this moment, SHOULDER TO CRY ON..."when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need a friend to rely on, when the whole world is gone, you wont be alone bcoz I'll be there."..i'm always be there..being born as your sister is great you know~!!~

kembali semula kepada itu~!!~pendapat mas....MATANG...RELIABLE.., and insyaAllah BERIMAN~!!~keh3...lame mas menilai..satu2 mas tgk....hurm..sbb ada mata and you keep asking me, mas ckp jgk la....KACAK~!!~ahaks~!!~(even k.ude sruh tukar hair style)...still not bad..hohohoho...(mas baik okeyh..takde la jahat sgt~!!)...satu lagi quote utk kak yang,..take the risk..never regret your decision...sometimes we realized something is important to us when we lost them..hehe..utk "keinsafan" that you felt~!!~keh3..*gelak guling2 lg*

ok, smpy sini jer dulu..lain kali mas sambung lagi..i'm reaaaaaaally happy for you sis....of coz with a condition which is...you are also happy with it...when mak and ayah says OK..insyaALLAH it will be OK~parents say is a DOA right~!!

bdw, nak taw tak nape that bro get a fever??...sbb dia dah kena tulah mas, i wanna join your 1st "outing"..but you only told me after that??...hahaha..kn da demam~!!~good for him...

p/s:

sis::stop all that rock kapak *kau/aku* thing...you should be flowery like me~~miowww...

bro::take a good care of my sister~!!~this is a must~!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::stainless steel in da making::

2009-10-03T19:56:00.004+13:00

saya nak menjadi stainless steel......maskydd sila jadi stainless steel.~!!...

a true stainless steel inside out~!!!!

~nak tahu kenapa??..

sebab saya terkesan dengan ucapan ni...

"abah ingatkan "stainless steel" ni kuat and tahan karat, cair
jugak bila ditempa"..ucapan ni bukan diucapkan oleh ayah saya, tapi bapa kepada
saudara irfan jani...(ayah irfan anggap dia macam stainless steel???..hahaha..comel...nak
gelak pun ada)...

saya menjadi termotivasi nak jadi stainless steel.

..kuat dan tahan karat...tapi masih boleh ditempa....

so, stainless steel maskydd adalah

~kuat~ tabah ~ tak mudah berubah hati ~ tak selalu homesick ~ jarang nangis ~

dan sebagainya~!!!!!

tapi still boleh dibentuk...ermm..which means,

stainless steel maskydd ni still boleh berubah ke arah kebaikan~!!

insyaALLAH

~yeay..,sila jd stainless steel~!~stainless steel in the making~!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::istimewa buat ar-raheeq::

2009-09-23T18:34:00.006+12:00

kehadapan ar-raheeq yang amat saya kasihi dan sayangi.

saya menulis di sini kerana saya yakin kamu akan membacanya.

maafkan saya kerana memilih "ar-raheeq" berbanding nama2 kamu yang lain. maafkan saya juga kerana saya tak pernah mempunyai kekuatan utk mengucapkan sendiri di hadapan kamu apa juga yang saya akan tuliskan buat kamu disini.

saya sendiri tak pasti bagaimana saya mahu memulakan bingkisan buat kamu ini.

tapi apa yang saya tahu, saya merasa sebak membaca entry di blog kamu itu.."maaf"..

...maaf kamu saya terima ar-raheeq...

walaupun kamu tidak bersalah apa2 dengan saya sebenarnya. kamu seorang sahabat yang baik..tak pernah mahu menjadi punca kerisauan seorang sahabat yang lain..memang betul, setiap kali saya bertanya tentang kesihatan kamu..

memang itu jawapan kamu..

"sihat2..alhamdulillah"

..seingat saya, jawapan kamu tak pernah berbeza..

adakah itu keadaan yang sebenarnya ar-raheeq??

saya tidak pasti, kamu lebih tahu tentang itu..

dan kamu telah mnjawabnya bahawa ia tentang keadaan fizikal kamu.

maafkan saya juga ar-raheeq,

saya yakin, ada hak kamu yang tidak saya sempurnakan..hak2 yang tak tertunai oleh seorang teman. kamu tahu ar-raheeq, ada sedikit rasa terkilan yang tersimpan dalam hati saya sebenarnya. ketika saya mendapat khabar yang kamu di masukkan ke ward di jordan, saya cuma dapat menitipkan doa buat kamu....agar kamu sembuh dan sihat semula...agar saya masih punya kesempatan bertemu dengan kamu.

kemudian, saya mendapat khabar bahawa kamu di bawa pulang ke malaysia..tapi ketika itu saya terlalu lalai dengan urusan saya sendiri, sibuk dengan persiapan ke oversea.

sehingga saya lupa pada seorang teman yang mungkin memerlukan kekuatan,

iaitu kamu ar-raheeq

...sehinggalah saya tiba di bumi new zealand ini,....sedangkan ketika itu jarak yang memisahkan kita...hanyalah setengah jam perjalanan komuter dari nilai ke seremban..tapi saya tak pernah tiba dihadapan rumah kamu untuk melawat kamu ketika itu...dan jarak kita kini sangat jauh...new zealnd ke malaysia...atau mungkin juga, new zealand ke jordan. saya kesal dan terkilan dengan kealpaan diri sendiri. saya tak menunaikan hak yang sepatutnya kamu terima sebagai seorang sahabat.

maafkan saya ar-raheeq.

saya tak tahu mengapa, saya amat mengelak utk bertanya khabar pada kamu kerana saya tidak tahu apa ucapan terbaik yang dapat saya katakan pada kamu setiap kali kita berchatting.

"jgn lupa mkn ubat"..."jgn miss checkup"..."jaga diri baik2"

"mas sentiasa mendoakn"..."semuanya ada hikmah"

..saya rasa ucapan2 saya itu tak mampu memberi kekuatan pada kamu ..

saya tak tahu kenapa ar-raheeq, saya menjadi terlalu takut,

maafkan saya sekali lagi ar-raheeq

hari ini 23 haribulan, saya tak mahu kamu bersedih,

dengan penerbangan ke jordan yang terpaksa dibatalkan itu

..jangan bersedih..

saya hanya mahu kamu sembuh dan sihat..

saya yakin ar-raheeq,

satu masa nanti

kamu akan dapat kembali ke jordan

dan meneruskan perjuangan yang tertangguh

..biiznillah..insyaALLAH..

kamu perlu kuat, kamu mesti terus kuat

andai saya mampu, ingin saya pinjamkan kekuatan saya,

walaupun saya tak sekuat mana,

saya berharap kekuatan saya yang sedikit itu mampu membantu kamu.

saya tahu kamu memang sangat tabah

teruslah menjadi tabah wahai sahabat..

jika tidak, kamu bukan lagi SPIRITO~!!!

spirito perlu ada spirit yg tinggi~!!

saya mendoakan pembedahan pemindahan sum2 tulang itu berjaya,

dan dijalankan secepat mungkin, andai itu yang terbaik buat kamu.

dan semoga kamu cepat sembuh dan kita akan bertemu hujung tahun ini

~ameen~

::maafkan segala khilaf saya::

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::raya datang lagi::

2009-09-21T18:32:00.004+12:00

new zealand menyambut 1 syawal hari ni. lewat sehari dari malaysia. gembira mestilah ada..tp sedihnya lebih banyak lagi. MENANGIS DI PAGI RAYA???..owh..hari ini tidak~!!~saya sudah menangis masa nw zealnd tak jadi raya semalam. menangis bersama2 dgn mak~..(terima kaseh mak)..

bertakbir selepas subuh td..berjadi mencetuskan sedikit rasa sebak di hati..tp rasa mengantuk telah mnjadi juara..ALLAH MEMBERI RASA MENGANTUK SEBAGAI SATU BENTUK KETENANGAN~(sperti dalam perang Badar *saya baru tahu tentang ini)..

wondering alone in my room...this year my family tangkap gmbar raya tak???..bcoz i'm not there...tgkap jgk kot..hurmmm..ntahla..tp xnk bertanya..huhuhu...nnt ad rasa yg x best..tp klu tgkap jgk..angah sile upload...mahu menatap~!!

p/s: maaf zahir batin ye sume..kpd abg2 dan kakak yg dah bekerjaya...hulur2 la dwet raye yer...xyh masuk akaun nw zealnd..mas claim balek nnt..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::hakikatnya::

2009-09-13T23:08:00.006+12:00

kadang-kadang kita terlupa..
betapa pentingnya untuk menjaga hati,
bukan hanya hati orang lain,
tetapi juga hati kita sendiri.

kadang-kadang kita tak sengaja..

melukakan hati sendiri untuk menjaga hati orang lain,

atau..
kadang-kadang kita memang sengaja..

menjadi terlalu ego,

untuk menunjukkan bentuk hati kita pada orang lain,
sedangkan ego itu juga satu penyakit hati..

yang hakikatnya melukakan hati kita sendiri..

hakikatnya,

perlakuan itu refleksi hati,..

adakah emosi juga dari hati??

kerana hati terlalu sukar untuk difahami..

begitu juga dengan emosi

apabila adanya rasa tak dihargai..

(itukah yg dirasa??..emosi terlalu sukar ditafsir)

kadang-kadang kita merasakan..

diri cuma diperlukan pada waktu2 tertentu,

hakikatnya,

mungkin kita juga berbuat begitu pada org lain...

~maskydd,2009~

hakikatnya wahai maskidah~

..what goes around always comes around..

jadi..

buangkanlah perasaan yang terlalu sensitif itu

dan

"jika mahu dihargai, perlu terlebih dahulu menghargai orang lain. jika mahu dihormati, hormati dulu orang lain. Jika mahu disayangi, mesti terlebih dahulu menyayangi orang lain"

~ini bkn bermaksud maskydd kekurangan kasih sayang okeyh~!!!~

:kamu tidak terlalu baik maskidah:

~you do make mistake~

~NEVER TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED~

just rambling before bedtime apabila hati ini terlalu merasa terasa

~perlu tido supaya fikiran tidak melayang lebih jauh~

semoga hari esok maskydd lebih baik dari hari ini

saya minta maaf pada semua

selamat malam dunia

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::ALHAMDULILLAH::

2009-09-10T20:43:00.007+12:00

kali ni tak nak cakap banyak

...::let the pictures play their role::...

tahukah kamu apekah ini???

dan juga ini???

dah jelas tulis kat atas dua2 card tu sebenarnya,...hehehe..seronok..

~THEY ARE SHINING U KNOW~!!~

~alhamdulillah....syukran ala kullihal...~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::to all my friends::

2009-09-05T21:17:00.003+12:00

FRIENDSHIP....

..is like a song,

a beautiful melody that lingers on,

..is like a ray of light,

it's radiance is pure and bright

..is like a star that guides the way near and far....

..And for understanding and accepting me,

helping me to get along in this confused world

and all I can say is a word of...THANKS...

THANKS for being there when I needed a FRIEND....

THANKS for making me see light when I go blind

and

THANKS for simply being my FRIEND....

p/s: a single smile and a helping hand..its not that hard to be a friend..thnx to all..for all that you guys did..i really appreciate it~!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::bertenanglah wahai hati::

2009-09-03T09:19:00.003+12:00

sebelum ni bermasalah dengan tiket utk balik ke malaysia

~alhamdulillah dah selesai~

dgn niat tak nak menyusahkan sesiapa

keputusan dah dibuat...sekarang tunggu dan bertawakkal..

~terima kasih kepada yg mmbantu~

and hari ini telah masuk hari ketiga kehilangan purse cantik "moo" yg diimport dari aucland. cadangnya nak pegi report hari ni, tapi mcm tak larat pulak, sakit kepala~!!~

~tengoklah petang2 sikit nanti~bertangguh lagi~

kehilangan purse bermaksud kehilangan eftpos yang banyak berbakti pada maskydd sepanjang berada di bumi new zealand ni, mmg purse tu tak de cash money pun, just ada coins sket je..

tp kehilangan eftpos itu telah menyebabkan maskydd berhutang dengan ramai orang...dgn aju..dgn mira..dgn aliaa..and dgn ayeen..~ad x org lain yg tertinggal??~malunye la~~..sile bg korg punyer account number, nnt mas byr online k..

~kehilangan eftpos jgk causing me unable to withdraw money from any atm machine~

and tak boleh jgk beli barang kat kedai2 yg boleh guna eftpos+cash

sbb klu cash kena hutang org lagi~malu~

~no eftpos~no money~no shopping~

(shopping di sini bermaksud beli brg2 dapur)

~jadi secara rasmi nyer...~

maskydd da muflis~!!~

cepatlah sihat wahai kepala,

maskydd nk gi report kat bank......hoping for a new eftpos~!!!

and yersterday my friends from auckland heading back to auckland

..thanx guys for visiting me..

~terasa bilik sgt sunyi without them~

sorry if ada kekurangan layanan okeyh

~love u guys loads~

..mira, ayeen, aliaa..

~bertenanglah wahai hati, u will meet them someday, iA~

~bertenanglah wahai hati, setiap yang terjadi, sama ada baik @ tidak, adalah ujian~

jadi bersabarlah wahai maskidah~!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::fikiran::

2009-08-21T00:45:00.011+12:00

nak ucap SELAMAT BERPUASA pada org2
jauh..mas balik dari klas pkl 6 ptg tadi memang penuh semangat utk bercakap dgn
mak malam ni. dalam kepala ni memang pikir yang malaysia dah nk puasa
dah~sile baca dgn nada sayu, sbb masih di
perantauan~dalam perjalanan balik tu, maskyd dengar ijan and syakeeb
berborak2, tp seriously mmg tak fokus kat perbualan diorang tu...sempat tangkap
last part je....yg berbunyi lebih kurang camni la....

ijan: we will start fasting on saturday.
syakeeb: how do you know??.did you see the moon??
ijan: erm...

kemudian syakeeb ke praying room di campus,..aju, ijan and maskyd trus berjln pulang

bila part ni sampai, mas dah start berangan balik

kalau la kat malaysia,.. mesti pak cik penyimpan mohor besar raja-raja, yg dah agak tua tu akan ulang skrip dia yang sama setiap tahun..... "...saya..bla,bla,bla..mengisytiharkan, tarikh bagi...bla..bla...bla..jatuh pada.."..

owh....selama 21 tahun maskyd hidup, mengambil kira jangka masa da pandai tengok tv, rasa-rasanya mmg inilah kali pertama maskyd missed pengisytiharan puasa okeyh~!!~tolak tepi pengisytiharan raya, sbb tak nak menambah kesayuan hati~

dalam fikiran ku lagi, masih berangan.."puasa kt new zealnd ni lambat sehari, maknanya, kalau nz puasa hari sabtu, mesti esok mlysia da puasa kn??..hurmm..tak sabar nak ucap selamat berpuasa kat semua orang kat rumah..malam ni nak cakap ngn mak"...dan smpai la maskyd di rumah.

pastu, lepas semayang magrib, baca yassin and isyak..maskyd pon duduk kat meja study and bukak laptop, tunggu mak online dengan semangatnya~!!!~ smbil tu cuba siapkan assignment 161 yg susah itu..tp sebenarnya tak fokus pun pd assignment tu..

disebabkan mak x online2, sambung berangan lagi..

"kalau esok puasa, mesti mak nak buat roti canai time petang ni utk sahur, malam karang da nak g terawikh..camne ni??camne nak cakap lama-lama ngan mak??..owh takpe2..kak yang tgh cuti, dia bkn pandai buat roti canai,(oppss..mntk maap kak yang..) mesti dia ganti mak online....ntah2 ayah dah beli roti canai segera tak??klu mak tak buat roti canai, nnt ayah sahur nak makn apa??"

haish..owh mmg tak fokus langsung..cek laptop balik..mak still tak online..mana mak???..sdey hati..sob..sob..sob

owh...nampak along online..terus call along, cakap2 ngan along, kak long and wafi yg da semakin pandai..wafi cium laptop sbb nk sayang mak cik..tgk wadi yg bru lepas mandi..terharu dan rindu~~!! tergerak hati nk tanya along bila puasa, and along jawab...

rasanya sabtu

argh~!!!~malam ini dihabiskan dengan berangan, rupa-rupanya orang2 malaysia tak puasa pun esok~!!!..huhuhu..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::my poor Mr. B::

2009-08-09T22:41:00.005+12:00

kisah 1..
last night i was so excited to get into bed because of my new sweet and flowery duvet cover. so, as usual, i put Mr B next to my pillow and i switched off the light..then, in the dark, i pulled Mr B, to cover up my face, but......something was not feel good...Mr. B dah busuk...so instead of hugging and giving Mr B a good night kiss..i throw it on the floor and take Ms H to bed ..hoho..poor Mr B..

kisah 2
this morning, i read a few pages of nick sparks before i realized that Mr B is nowhere to be seen..but then i found it under my bed..yes on the floor...i pick it up..get the thing that stuffed it out..bring it to the laundry room..put it in the washing machine..pour some detergen.. and yes, some fabric softner..and there he goes...my Mr B was spinning, round and round in that machine..and not just that, i then put it into the dryer for 1 hour..owh..poor Mr B..

kisah 3
when i take Mr B to get stuffed back..i am so shocked to see wat i'm seeing.....and i count it again..TWICE..and it is CONFIRMED that my Mr B only got 5 legs...instead of 6 legs that he had since i have him..owh my poor..poor Mr B..and i begin searching for the missing leg...and guess where i found it....IN THE DRYER..all alone...i'm sorry Mr B...POOR YOU~!!~but you have a very good smell now rite??..hehehe..

~MR B still smiling with a broken leg~

~MS H with MR B's leg~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::award dari aziela samad::

2009-07-22T20:08:00.003+12:00

1- Copy Award Di atas Untuk Diletakkan Di Blog Anda

2-Nyatakan 5 Fakta Menarik Tentang Si Pemberi Award

expertise~!!~ wt tiramisu cake and sushi dgn sedap secara tibe2 di auckland, klu tak betol,mntak maap~!!

genius~!!~no doubt, tak study pn buleyh jd top scorer~!!

shopaholic~!!~pernah teman dia shoppg kasut skali...one n last tyme..lpas tu mmg da x sggup nk ikot...lme sgt utk 1 kasut jer..erkk..ini bkn kutukan ye zila..ini sgt menarik..~!!

penipu berjaya~!!~she once showed me her boyfren's pic which ends up to be christiano ronaldo~!!~diz is bad but still menarik sbb brjaya fooled me~!!~aishh~!!

unpredictable~!!~dia boleyh kluar ke terminal 1, and balik dgn seketul henfon baru and laptop vaio pink~!!~keh3..aku still tak percaya dgn hari2 itu zila..~!!hehehe

3-Setiap Blogger Mestilah Menyatakan 10 Fakta Atau Hobi Diri Sendiri

peminat setia mr. spongyman

tak suka sports sangat2

holiday maniac

suka naik kereta~!!~xkisah gi mane pn..asalkn naik kereta..termasuk la juz duduk dlm kereta

loves to stay at home~!!~It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home..and my house is a home~!!

dulu sgt garang..~!!~tp skrang da lmbut hati sket..peacemaker..hihihi

nak jgk ckap diri sendiri pemalu...~maskyd pemalu ok~!!

org ckp, i'm clumsy...iyer ke??..mungkin~!!~know me..and i'll consider your says..

i'm lucky to have whatever i have had, for somebody may not have chance to have it..so..i'm a lucky girl..this is fact.

i'm a simple person with a simple need~!!

okeyh..selesai~!!

...maskydd tak nak tag sesiapa..thnx ziela for diz award...

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::welcome to the world::

2009-06-21T10:24:00.002+12:00

entry ini di dedikasikan kepada si kecil yang baru diberi nama

...MUHAMMAD SAHROL WADI...

i have seen him..but for sure still didn't touch him..

he is ...CUTE...SMALL..and RED....

including today, he is 4 days old..

..u make aunty really want to fly back home baby..

and not forgotten

to the great "ummi"

....

....PUAN EZMAS BT MAHNO....

....

and the proud "abi"

....

....ENCIK SAHROL AZMI BIN TERMIZI....

....

congratulation for the newborn

....

and to the cute big brother

..(along..what wadi should call his brother??..along??like u??)..

....

..MUHAMMAD SAHROL WAFI..

jangan cakar adik lagi~u are a good brother rite!!!!~

mode: gilerr pnye nk balik~!!!!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::chitchat wit mummy::

2009-06-13T11:19:00.007+12:00

berborak panjang dengan mak semalam, ayah tak de...balik kampung, pak cik ajid meninggal...so, bila ayah takda, panjang kami bercerita..dulu saya suka ikut mak naik kereta, tak kira pegi mana2 pun..asalkan naik kereta termasuklah ambik adik2 dari sekolah..sebab, waktu2 berdua itu akan penuh diisi dengan bercerita..(bercerita ok..bukan mengumpat)..if my sis is my bestfriend, then my mum is my "bestest" friend...hihihi...nothing to hide from her..

banyak yang kami bincangkan...(chewah, terasa macam perbualan ilmiah gilerr)..bercerita jer sebenarnya..tentang banyak benda...about me..about my sisters n brothers...about my dad n his regret..(huhu,opss sory ayah)..and a lots more updates about what is happening in malaysia.

bertanya khabar, terkejut sebenarnya dengan berita pak cik ajid meninggal, sebab baru semalam adik saya bagitau mak and ayah pegi visit pak cik ajid kat hospital putrajaya, the word "visit" doesn't implies that his condition was bad. tp dah ajal dia, takda siapa yang dapat halang ketentuan Tuhan.

mak tengah tunggu kak yang call, nak pegi ambik dia kat komuter, sambil tu mak sempat la citer pasal komuter yang sangat teruk sekarang....(dulu pn komuter tu mmg teruk)...teringat pegi pwtc and jalan tar dengan mak naik komuter..lepas tu mak berazam tak nak naik komuter dah...on dat tyme i said to my mum..."mak, we all had to face it each time balik rmh naik komuter, sebab tu kitorang suka mak amek jer kt kolej"...what an excuse~!!!~hehehe....saya pun bercerita pasal public transport yang sangat saya kagum kt sini...bas yang sangat selesa..even people wit suit pun naik bas..klu kt malaysia, susah kowt nak nampak..hurmm (ke ada jer, tapi saya tak pernah tengok?)

saya bercerita tentang charles...about what i mean when i said.."i got something to do"...and the funny expression when he asked for my number..and nasihat mak..."jangan rapat sangat. kita tak boleh percaya sangat orang. org2 cmtu la yang suruh jual dadah..(uikss, kne sebijik...haha, kesian charles, ini adalah bersangka buruk, tp saya dengar jer mak ckap sambil tersenyum)...jaga diri..apa2 hal pun ingat Allah..jangan taksub dengan orang luar."...baik mak, mas tak taksub. mas nak orang melayu malysia, yang tak pernah kluar dari malysia..(sambil tu smpat la tunjuk gatal dengan mak, sruh mak cari calon)..hahhahaa..saya sayang mak saya yang sporting~!!!~as i said..she is my "bestest"friend...and one thing,mak bgtw, another friend of mine da bertunang..congratz~!!!

pastu mak cakap..."dah lama mak tak baca blog mas, tak reti mak nak buat direct link.kak ude bkannya nak buatkan"...waaa...terharu mak suka baca blog mas..hehhehe..(wahai kak ude, sile la tolong mak wat direct link ke blog kak cik..okeyh~!!~nnt kak cik blanjer)..then, bila mak da sbut saya bercerita lagi...tentang pelawaan JF utk gptd...saya ckp kt mak, "malu la mak...blog mas ntah pape..pastu lagu2 pn tak seswai ngan imej gptd tuh...JF tu mesti ingat mas ni mcam along ngan angah..hurmm..its all about expectation.."

pastu mak dengan cool nyer menjawab..."mas ckap je terus terang dengan dia, saya ni 'huhahuha" sket, tak macam abang2 saya..."..howaaaa.....saya suke jawapan itu..sangat direct..ye, saya tak mcm abg2 saya...hahaha..lgpun mak suke blog mas...jd....mas takkn delete dhiya' annisa....yeah~!!!!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::keputusan saya??::

2009-06-10T16:15:00.008+12:00

2 bulan yang lalu...

saya mendapat satu email dari seseorang, email itu dimulakan dengan dia memperkenalkan diri, saya namakan dia JF...dan dia memberi tahu tentang dari mana dia mndapat email saya dan bertanyakan nama saya. singkat sahaja balasan email yang saya berikan, iaitu "nama saya Maskidah Termizi"..beberapa hari selepas itu, saya mendapat satu lagi email, dia bertanyakan sama ada saya mempunyai blog. dan saya membalas lagi email itu."xde, dah delete"..saya tidak menipu, kerana pada ketika saya menerima email beliau itu, saya telah mendelete ketiga2 blog yang saya ada. dan "dhiya' annisa" ini, blelum lagi wujud.

semalam..

saya membuka email yang telah berminggu-minggu tidak dijengah..seperti yang saya percaya, inbox email saya hanya penuh dengan email2 notification dari facebook, friendster, imeem, mixpod dan twitter...namun, dicelahan-celahan email2 tersebut, terdapat satu email yang agak menarik perhatian saya, dengan subjek "apa khabar?"..saya terus membaca email itu...

"abang ingin menjemput mas untuk mnjadi ahli dan koresponden dalam group pengkaji tamadun islam dunia di new zealand....dan adalah amat elok sekiranya mas mempunyai blog dan kami boleh masukkan ke dalam http://gptd.blogspot.com/ para pembaca muda akan......bla..bla..bla...diharapkan mas sudi menerima pelawaan ini..."

erkk....takowt nyer~!!!!..apa yang saya rasa adalah.."TANGGUNGJAWAB ITU SANGAT BERAT"..tiba2 saya mula mempersoalkan semula kewajaran saya mempunyai blog. sungguh...saya hanya menulis blog apabila saya homesick yg amat sangat, sedih, dan utk membuang masa..kerana saya lebih suka utk berkongsi di sini ...blog saya bukan seperti blog miminapis, hana, atiqah humaira dan beberapa lagi rakan2 yang lain'...tiada unsur2 dakwah di sini..saya sedar tntang ini dan saya merasakan amat tidak sesuai jika "dhiya' annisa" ini dimasukkan ke dalam group itu...saya SEGAN dan MALU~!!!..adakah perlu saya mendelete blog skali lagi???

mampukah saya utk memikul amanah itu???..saudara itu mgajak utk berkongsi pengalaman di nw zealand..tapi saya lebih terkesan sebagai pengkaji ketamadunan Islam di nw zealnd...ermm, layakkah saya??? saya belum lagi membalas email itu, saya tak tahu apa jawapan yang patut saya berikan..MENERIMA @ MENOLAK???..menerima adalah satu amanah...tp sebenarnya amanah itu ada dalam setiap individu tanpa mengira dimana kita, mnyebarkan dakwah tentang islam kepada semua..dan juga membuka minda pembaca2 dengan pengalaman mengamalkan ajaran Islam di negara yang mana penganut Islam adalah minority~!!!..walaupun tanpa dijemput utk bersama2 dalam group itu...cuma, saya rasa "dhiya' annisa" ini tidak sesuai~!!!~(terlalu keanak2an~terlalu meleret dgn emosi~tak professional~!!!!)~dan saya tidak bercadang utk membuka blog lain...kerana jika saya buat begitu saya akan rasa seperti hipokrit...ya..itu yang saya rasa...saya juga yakin yang saya tidak akan selalu mengupdate blog~!!!!~

satu lagi yang saya fikirkan...akhi2 saya yang dua orang itu...imej mereka berdua juga perlu saya jaga...menjadikan saya semakin takut utk menerima pelawaan ini...saya takut saya tidak mampu membuahkan sesuatu seperti apa yang diharapkan...kerana bagi saya, akhi2 berdua itu mmpunyai imej yang baik dlm persatuan dan mungkin pndangan saudara JF juga begitu..ini juga menjadi sbb saya tidak boleh menolak....jadi...apakah keputusan saya~???~

1. mendelete "dhiya' annisa"...@

2. menerima pelawaan itu.....@

3. menolak???....

tolong bantu saya....hantarkan jawapan anda di bahagian komen...hehehe...

p/s: jika saudara JF membaca blog ini, saya ucapkan..."abg, saya mintak maaf...saya btul2 tak tahu"...maaf juga kerana mgubah nama anda sbg JF..(sbnrnye tdk mgubah..cume mnyingkatkn~!!~hehe)

sukarnya membuat keputusan~!!!!!

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::gembira+bahgia::

2009-06-07T22:31:00.013+12:00

ini entry yang sebenar..tinta buat bakal suamiku itu adalah sampingan semata2 sbb bukan saya yang mengarangnya. entry malam ini sungguh besar maknanya pada saya. dan sungguh membahgiakan...

~~MAS DAH BELI TICKET FOR WINTER BREAK~~

bahagia, bahagia, dan bahagia..bcoz...it means VACATION!!!!!!.

teringat first time beli tiket bas...tiket bas ekspress ke melaka, (tiket tu still disimpan sampai sekarang and di bawak ke wellington..buktinya ada di bawah)..saya bangga dengan tiket tu, sebab tiket ke melaka tu tiket pertama yang dibeli sendiri sepanjang hidup selama 20 tahun...(perlu ke saya rasa bangga..hehehe)..destinasi sebenarnya adalah ke Muar iaitu rumah Along saya..tapi berani naik bas dari seremban sampai melaka jer..sampai Melaka Along ambik naik kereta...hahhaha...maskydd ni sebenarnyer penakut and tak suka naik bas~~!!!..

~my 1st ticket~

tapi, this time, sbb dah penah pergi Wanganui naik bas, rasa mcm seronok...

so..that's why i take bus as transpotation for this vacation...

eventhough it takes more times...and more money...

(bus ticket is more expensive than plane ticket)..

the long journey is what i called..satisfaction of vacation...

even ayah slalu ckap..

.."orang yang kat blakang sedap la tido, ayah yang drive ni yang penat"..

but we enjoy right daddy??

hehehe...mintak maaf kepada sume yang slalu kena drive saya...

sbb saya takde lesen..hehehe..

saya mengambil masa 3 jam untuk decide sama ada nak naik bas @ flight..

and the conclusion is obvious.....BUS....tapi..tiket bus kt new zealnd ni tak cantik

...down here is the return bus ticket...

tapi still boleh dicancel kalau tetiba saya rasa nak naik flight....

bdw, terima kasih kepada mak sebab mengizinkan percutian ni~(walaupun tak dapat balik malaysia)!!!.it still good for refreshment...mas sayang mak~!!! sayang ayah juga....(along pesan pkai mask...kena ikut jgk ke??hehe)..mas tau semua orang risaukan mas kat sini...mas akn jaga diri..insyaAllah..and lepas cuti ni..mas tak nak tensen2 lagi...~this is my mind refreshment..kena ada azam baru~!!yeay.....skrang fokus utk diz coming exam~pastu bley g holiday dgn seronok~!!!..dot...

p/s; this ticket give me a very good feeling by just looking at it..kesimpulannya...TAK SABAR!!!!

~AN INSPIRING TICKET~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::play me the music::

2009-06-02T00:05:00.003+12:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again I guess

I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::no entry zone::

2009-05-29T22:35:00.006+12:00

pagi tadi, tak terasa nak bangun awal macam selalu, malas yang teramat sangat..(sebenar bukan malas, tapi tak bersedia utk mghadapi hari ini rentetan kelukaan hatinya semalam yang still tak terubat)...so, bila maskydd bangun lewat, kehidupan beliau mnjadi agk kucar-kacir sdikit...dlm perjalanan pergi class, time tgh mendaki bukit yang dekat dgn kubur tu, maskydd tercium bau yg sangat mendamaikan...BAU RUMPUT...bau rumput hijau yang baru kena potong, rasa mcm dah lame sgt tak cium bau ni.. maskydd trus berhenti berjalan utk tengok uncle worker tu potong rumput..mmg dah tak kisah orang dah time tu. but then, bila uncle tu pn terberhenti buat kerja sbb maskydd pandang dia, maskydd terus say "hi", and cepat2 blah..lawak pulak rasa, mcm tak pernah tgk org potong rumput..I like the smell. I enjoyed the pleasant smell for about 10 minutes....(smpy terlewat gilerr masuk klas MATH 151)..this is one of the nature's smell that i enjoyed~!!

i spend 5 hours at the harbour today, dari pkl 4 ptg smpy 9 mlm...mula2 nk kluar lpas klas bio, tp cancel plan..tggu my rumate solat and pegi teman dia shopping dulu...and then i make a move to my best...great..wonderful place...wellington harbour....my rumate tak ikut, bcoz she need to go back for maghrib..sepanjang 5 jam tu, banyak benda yg saya buat,

baca buku nicholas sparks "the notebook"
tgk org lari2, main2, jln2
tgkap gmbar harbour
menilai diri
mkn2..(tp td terlupa beli sushi)
main buaian

lets go through one by one...

1. baca "the notebook" by nicholas sparks..

nicholas sparks is one of my favourite writer..i love his novel especially "a bend in the road" and "the rescue". ""the notebook" ni hadiah dari irr sempena my 21st burfdey. n maskydd blom abes baca lagi, tp dah tau la critanya sbb dah bnyk kali tengok. Tengah baca2 tu, maskydd tertarik dengan ayat dkt bawah ni;

"sounds of nature was more real and aroused more emotion
than things like cars and planes. Natural things give more than what
they took, and their sounds always brought people back to the way man
was supposed to be. It'll keep man from going crazy. Its God music, and
it will bring you back home."~nicholas sparks,"the notebook"~

the phrases suits me well. if not, i wont be here at this harbour..bila dah kt NZ ni, mmg terasa sangat yang harbour ni sgt best compared to botanical garden, bila tension or sedih, this is the best place that i have..(klu dulu kt KMS, ada my home sweet home..tak pun lake garden..so harbour is substitute to all the places that i have before)..kat sini boleh dengar bunyi laut, bunyi burung, boleh cium bau laut dan ada angin yg terasa mcm laut kt mlysia...and semua tu mendamaikan dan agk mengubat hati yg sedih....mcm bau rumput jgk....tp yang tak best nyer pulak, it really "bring me back home"...( sad mode pergi:homesick mode mari )..

2. tgk org lari2, main2, and jln2

kat harbour ni jgk ada org ramai yg bising2 and tak kenal kita..so kita boleh buat apa jer yang kita suka (termasuklah menanges dgn bersungguh-sungguh)..sbb orang lain pun buat jer apa yang diorang suka....bila perhatikan org2 kt harbour ni..sume org mcm happy je..it makes me wanna smile tu..senyum boleh buat kita lupakan kesedihan..jd, lahirkan senyuman dari hati, jgn fikirkan kesedihan.

3.tangkap gmbar harbour

kt harbour tengok kapal, tengok lampu malam2, ada water sprinkler yg boleh menari and the duration is only 10 minutes for every 2 hours strtg from 6pm..(klu tak salah la)..dah 2 minggu maskydd tuggu nk tgk sprinkler ni, tp asyik termiss jer, so td dpat tgk 2 kali, rasa sgt seronok.. one more thing, maskydd miss nk wt countdown tyme klcc tutup lmpu, so td maskydd dpt chance buat countdown harbour bukak lampu n countdown utk water sprinkler tu bukak...hehe..sgguh bhgia!!

4.menilai diri

i need sometimes to be alone, thats another reason i choose today to go to harbour, bcoz i knoe nobody would be able to accompany me..dari smalam rasa sedih, rasa nak kiss n hug mak sgt2..and skrng ni jgk emosi tgh tak stabil, so agk sensitif sket..cepat sgt nak terasa..maskydd btol nak jd org yg sabar, maskydd rasa sangat yg dia skrang da bnyk berubah..tp diri sndiri pn tak pasti, perubahan tu ke arah positif @negatif..

5. makan2

maskydd pegi reading cinema beli kebab sbb lpar, pastu pegi balik duduk kt harbour..sebenarnya nak beli sushi..tapi da terbli kebab pulak..hehe..teringat syaz sruh balut nasi dgn roti canai..hahaha...tu syaz punyer kebab~~!!!

6.main buaian

activity biasa bila pegi harbour mlm2..main buaian~!!!!..sronok + gembira...tadi ada 2 boys yg sgt cute and nakal main skali, with their daddy yg teramat lah penyabar. comel tgk dia layan anak2 dia 2 org tu~!!

~the end~

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::love is sayang:saya LOVE dia::

2009-05-27T09:27:00.012+12:00

saya memang sayang dia....SANGAT..SANGAT....sayang saya pada dia dalam hati..saya sayang dia tanpa sebab..kalau orang tanya kenapa saya sayang dia.memang susah saya nak jawab..sebab saya mmg sayang dia lah..saya bersyukur Allah menganugerahkan dia pada saya, dia adalah antara anugerah terbaik yang pernah saya terima..tapi saya tak pernah la bagitau kt dia face to face..sekadar meluah rindu di facebook..@ shoutout di ym..tapi saya tahu yang dia tahu..bahawa..SAYA SAYANG DIA...(dia sayang saya tak???saya yakin dia pun sayang saya jugak..hehehe..*wink*wink..)

semalam saya call dia, (setelah saya terlupa nk ym ngn dia)..sebenarnya saya dah lama nak call dia, sejak mak saya bagitau tntang itu...tapi saya tak tahu apa perkataan terbaik yang dapat saya cakapkan pada dia, untuk memujuk dan juga untuk menenangkan, saya memang tak pandai memujuk, tapi saya memang tahu dia tengah sedih, kecewa and downhearted...tapi dia tak menangis masa bercakap dgn saya..masih boleh bergelak ketawa dengan saya...dia memang kuat dan tabah...bersabar ok..

ini je yang saya mampu cakap kt dia, "sabar.. mesti ada hikmah atas apa yang jadi"...tapi secara jujurnya, memang mudah mengungkap sabar, kalau saya sendiri yang menghadapinya, saya pasti saya tak sekuat dia, ...dia selalu jadi saya punya penasihat, kali ni saya nak jadi dia punya penasihat pulak, walaupun bukan terbaik macam dia, saya tetap nak tujukn ni untuk dia..

"LA TAHZAN, WAMAKARU WAMAKARALLAH, WALLAHUKHAIRUL MAKIRIN"

~jangan bersedih, manusia merancang, Allah merancang, tapi perancangan Allah yang terbaik~ jgn bersedih lagi okeyh, sebab saya tak suka tengok dia sedih, nanti saya sedih jugk~i'm soo sweet~*ekeke*

"kehidupan ada perjalanannya, ada perjuangannya, semua tu berbaur dgn harapan, sama ada berjaya atau gagal, hidup perlu teruskan, dan perjuangan tidak mungkin terhenti disitu..."

~teruskan usaha, chaiyo'...dia adalah inspirasi saya...inspiration..inspiring..and i got inspired~!!!~jadi, saya rasa yakin yang dia mampu menghadapi segala rintangan untuk mncapai cita2 nya~

walaupn beribu rintangan mndatang

(ayt sbnrnye, walaupn beribu DOKTOR M, mengganggu..hehehehe)

..saya yakin DR. M takkan baca blog saya ini...sbb tu saya brani tulis....

dan DR. M bukan utk DR MAHATHIR..okeyh~!!

harapan itu sentiasa ada buat mereka yang percaya

So here's to you

May your dreams come true

And through the years

Save your smiles and your tears

They're just souvenirs

They'll make music in your heart

Remember this

Each new day is a kiss

Sent from up above

With an angel's love

So here's to you

May your skies be blue

And your love blessed

That's my best to you

saya nak dia tahu, saya sentiasa doakn dia, yang terbaik untuk dia.

..kejayaan dan kebahagiaan....dunia dan akhirat..

I'll be with you in rain or shine

~SAYA + DIA~

UNTUK MNJADI KAMI

..kerana dia adalah satu-satunya kakak saya..

~SAYA sayang DIA selamanya~

p/s : to my dear sister, this post is dedicated to you, slmat mghadapi study week and exam..jgn nanges terharu plak bace entry ni..hehehe..i know u missed me...bcoz i'm worth to be missed..hahaha..by da way..bersabar dan trus berdoa...ganbate~!!!chaiyo'~!!!..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::when its raining again::

2009-05-24T23:35:00.000+12:00

semalam hujan, even so, it still be one of the most wonderful day in wellington..a journey to pipitea campus..enjoying loads of foods..attending the event...berjalan pulang dalam hujan yang lebat..(it was helpless romantic)..and watching people all the way..~!!!~(the food is the most important thing actually)~

and today..its raining again..i missed one thing early this morning~~and i'm not too proud to tell it out loud to the world in here, so lets just let me keep it..i will try my best not to do it again~~ my roomate is not in..so do most of my housemates..but i decided just to stay at home rather than going out in this freezingly cold weather..luckily there's no snow here~!!!

so, from the morning, i'm just here in my room..watching a drama entitled "kasanova"...going through ainaa engagement photos at facebook, and keep waiting..for something..it is quite a boring day..and lastly my waiting is not worth it~i hate this silent treatment, i care but i dont want to react~!!haish..i really need to stop doing this stupid thing..i hate it..with all my heart~!!

outside is raining... i just know that inside me is raining too..heavily!!..and here comes that rainy-day-feeling again..since i started staying in the hostel, i doesnt really like rainy day..it is so good in making me feel down and homesick... and today it makes me craving for my mum's chocholate donuts and her pizza..the best thing in this kind of weater is mum's cooking...

a few minutes later, my big sis buzz me...and the conversation goes, i cut it short:

maskydd: tgh wtpe?? bile balik kl?
kay niza: tgh main2. ptg2 sket nnt balik la.mas tgh
wtpe??
maskydd: tgk drama..
kay niza: citer pe?
maskydd: kasanova..kt cni tgh ujan, da 2 ari ujan, mas rse
nk mkn donut~~!!!
kay niza: hmm..
maskydd: x masak ke arini??
kay niza: x..sume orang tgh lepak..pagi td sume da mkn burger
adik masak..
maskydd: waa..sdap2..awal adik bangun wiken2 neyh,...
kay niza: pkl 9..

i can imagine the situation at my home...weekend is soo good..with everyone coming back home..how nice it would be if i'm there too..*sigh*..and i don't feel want to eat donuts anymore, i want my adik's burger..(i think my little brother is very good in this..just see the sister lol~~me~!!haha..well, i'm well known with my benjo)....the most suitable words are..
...i'm HOMESICK.........HOMESICK........and.......HOMESICK!!!!!..i MISSED...MISSED......and.....MISSED.....~~!!!!~~everything at my home~~i dont feel like want to do anything..my heart, my mind and my body is not on the same track...
~my mind says, "stop munching"..but my leg went to the
freezer..and you should know what happens..~
~my mind says,"lets revised biology"..but my heart said "it can be done tonight"..and my hand closed the campbell....and lots more~

today is soo not my day, then i tried to apply the "personal jihad"~forcing myself to do assignments. Only a few minutes ..and i'm "syahid"..with a very clean paper..maskydd tak mampu utk berfikir..huhu..my bad~!!!
after maghrib, i went to hanalulu's house to print an assignment...ini adalah cubaan utk menguji kekuatan diri dalam mengharung kesejukan di malam hari...it was successful..yeay~~!!..perjalanan menjadi semakin jauh hingga ke 3c, mckenzies-terrace ~being hana's pizza delivery girl~ yeay~!!i'm succeed again..back home safely..*smiling*..eventhough i'm totally wet~!!!and i left my house key at hana's place...haishh~~!!
long journey too right~!so now..i need to get into bed, for tomorrow i got classes to attend..enjoying the downpours in these two days give me a headache in some ways....and outside there raindrops are still touching everythings....when its raining again, i believe i could still live my life..by forming a complex("forming complex" is biology term) with my lovely warm bed at the end of the day.....gud nyte everyone!!
"rain, i feel it on my fingertips, hear it on my window pane"
~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::ALLAH KNOWS::

2009-05-23T18:04:00.003+12:00

~zain bhikha~

When you feel all alone in this world

And there's nobody to count your tears

Just remember, no matter where you are

Allah knows Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows Allah knows
No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah
knows Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows Allah knows
When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon,
shout it to everyone
Allah knows Allah knows
When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows Allah knows
When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows Allah knows
You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows Allah knows
Every grain of sand,
In every desert land,
He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand,
He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash,
He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share,
He knows.
Allah knows

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::a girl's prayer::

2009-05-17T12:47:00.007+12:00

In the name of Allah,

THE MOST GRACIOUS and THE MOST MERCIFUL

Dear LORD..

I pray that YOU would grant me....

a man who will be part of my life..

a man who really loves YOU more than anything else..

a man who would let me be the second in his heart after YOU..

a man who live his life for YOU and not for himself..

a man who really seeks for YOUR loves and

have a determination to role YOU and YOUR prophet..

a man who knows, for whom and for what his life is , so that it would not be useless..

a man who have a good heart, not only a brilliant mind..

a man who not only loves me, but respect me..

a man who not only adores me, but able to show me the right path when i did wrong..

a man who not loves me because of the beauty, but because of my heart..

a man who can be my best friend in everytime and situation..

a man who can make me feel that i am a woman everytime i am by his side..

a man who needs my hold to make him strong..

a man who needs my prayers for his life..

a man who needs my smile to overcome his sadness..

a man who needs me to make his life perfect...

~AMEEN~

Ya Allah,

Aku berdoa kau mengurniakan ku

Seorang lelaki yang akan menjadi sebahagian dari hidupku

Seorang lelaki yang sungguh mencintai-MU lebih dari segala sesuatu.

Seorang lelaki yang akan meletakkanku pada posisi kedua di hatinya setelah Engkau.

Seorang lelaki yang hidup bukan untuk dirinya sendiri tetapi untuk-MU.

Seorang lelaki yang mempunyai sebuah hati yang sungguh mencintai dan haus akan Engkau dan memiliki keinginan untuk menauladani sifat-sifat Agung-Mu.

Seorang lelaki yang mengetahui bagi siapa dan untuk apa dia hidup, sehingga hidupnya tidaklah sia-sia.

Seorang lelaki yang memiliki hati yang bijak bukan hanya sekadar otak yang cerdas.

Seorang lelaki yang tidak hanya mencintaiku tetapi juga menghormati aku.

Seorang lelaki yang tidak hanya memujaku tetapi dapat juga menasihati ketika aku berbuat salah.

Seorang lelaki yang mencintaiku bukan kerana kecantikanku tetapi kerana hatiku.

Seorang lelaki yang dapat menjadi sahabat terbaikku dalam tiap waktu dan situasi.

Seorang lelaki yang dapat membuatku merasa diriku bagai seorang wanita ketika aku berada disebelahnya.

Seorang lelaki yang memerlukan dukunganku sebagai peneguhnya.

Seorang lelaki yang menginginkan doaku untuk kehidupannya.

Seorang lelaki yang memerlukan senyumanku untuk mengatasi kesedihannya.

Seorang lelaki yang mahukan diriku untuk membuat hidupnya menjadi lebih sempurna

AMIN YA RAHMAN...AMIN YA RAHIM....

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

::saya adalah seorg cikgu!::

2009-05-15T22:05:00.001+12:00

..seronok bila menulis tajuk untuk post ni...terasa semangat yang terlebih berkobar..

..kerana saya adalah seorng bakal guru..

~insyaAllah~

..esok 16th may..

jadi, saya nak ucapkan selamat hari guru kepada semua guru-guru...di dunia!!~malysia jer ke yang sambut hari guru yerk??saya tak pasti la pulak~ especially for those who had been teaching me since i was in pre,primary and secondary school, pre-uni and uni...teachers+lecturers..i wished i could listed all your names...but my memory is not so good as i am "nomad" from 1 school to the other......kepada semua tenaga pengajar institusi pendidikan di bawah ini~~saya bertuah berada di tempat2 ini pd tahun2 tersebut~~

taski abim annur, kuantan, pahang ( 93/94)
sek. keb. jaya gading, kuantan, pahang (95/96)
sek. ren. keb. pengkalan tentera, pahang (96/97)
sek. keb. bandar baru salak tinggi, sepang, selangor (98)
sek. keb. kompleks klia, nilai, negri sembilan (99/00)
sek. men. puteri, seremban, negri sembilan (01*2 months)
sek. men. keb. agama pedas, rembau, negri sembilan (01/03)
kolej tunku kurshiah, seremban, negri sembilan (04/05)
kolej matrikulasi kedah, changlun, kedah (06*1 month)
kolej mara seremban, seremban, negri sembilan (06/08
victoria university, wellington, nw zealnd (08-prsnt)

terima kasih atas segala jasa-jasa yang telah guru-guru sekalian curahkan hingga menjadikan saya adalah saya hari ini...juga seorang bakal guru~~i'm proud to say this...without teachers, students is not a students!!

and last but not least

...a very special gratitude...to the teacher of my life...

who never failed to teach me ~good from bad, right from wrong~

and also a very good teacher

~my mother~

happy teachers' day, mak...

you are my greatest teacher after all

i love you
and nothing would changed that
i'm proud this teacher is my mother!!!!
...SeLaMat HaRi gUrU...
~saya juga adalah seorang cikgu~
niat di hati nak call my teachers, tapi terlupa pulak nak beli international calling card siang
tadi...*sigh*..takpe kot,insyaALLAH esok masih ada~~ini sikap buruk maskydd yang sangat suka bertangguh~~bukan brtangguh sebenarnya, tapi harini, kehidupan agak kelam kabut ~sbb bangun lambat~ i woke up just a few minutes before assigment due..sesiapa yang tau pukul berapa, senyap2 jerr okeyh..Allhamdulillah, sempat kejar, walaupun semput jugak la berlari..ALLAH mempermudahkan urusan...hihihihi..
~i'm not good, but i want to be better~
~i'm not good, but i want to be better~

~tAkE sOmE tImEs~

2009-05-13T14:15:00.002+12:00

take your time to think...it is the point of strength
take your time to play...it is the secret of eternal
longevity
take your time to be alone...it is the key to the
serenity
take your time to learn...it would hold you in
honor
take your time to love and being loved...it is the right
that had been given to you
take your time to make friend...it is the path of
happiness
take your time to laugh...it is the music of your
heart
take your time to give...it makes your life
meaningful
take your time to work...it holds the value of
efforts
take your time to do good deeds...it is the door to good
end..

~i'm not good, but i want to be better~